I was at home being a normal kid when a miracle happened.
My dad had said “get in the car.” So me my mum my dad and my brother got in the
car. I said where are we going? My dad said “wouldn't you like to know."
Finally we got there we was at Cadbury world. I took one
step into the building and I
could not believe the smell it was lovely.
I went through and the staff gave me a twirl, crunchy, caramel
and curly wurly. They even let us design our own chocolate bar. It was the best
day ever.
Hi Clarissa,
ReplyDeletethis would so be the best day ever! My mouth was watering as I was reading your description of Cadbury World, well done! I enjoyed your story very much because it has such a joyous feel about it. To make your writing even better, try reading your piece aloud to a friend. In places you may notice that you tend to make natural pauses, this would be where you could include commas in your writing (for example, "So me, my mum, my dad and my brother..."). Thank you for sharing your work, keep on reading and keep on writing!
Mrs Pratt (Team 10WC)
Hi Clarissa,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece and your spelling is very good. Is this based on a real life experience? I would love to go to a world of chocolate!
Best wishes,
Niamh Team 100 Ireland