I went to play out with my mates because I was bored. We were playing with a trolley. I went in it and then we went up a curb and I fell out and banged my head. I was crying and I could not see. Then five minutes later, suddenly I was able to see again. I went and played out again and didn't go in the trolley. I didn't go in the trolley because I knew it was dangerous. I knew that they ran away and ditched it in a berry bush. I could hear them all talking and we all were friends again and picked strawberries and washed them and ate them.
Hi Demi,
ReplyDeleteWell done for creating a complete story around this prompt. I notice that you have used 'and' quite a lot to link your ideas together - it would improve your writing if you could find alternative connectives to join ideas together. If you read your writing back through, do you notice that you have started most of your sentences with 'I'? Next time you write, try to find different ways to open your sentences to keep your readers engaged.
Keep up the great writing though!
Mrs Vaux (Team100)