Saturday, 28 May 2016 the flame flickered and then went out,,, by Rhianna

At school, we were doing a play. We were performing it in our local theatre in two weeks’ time. Two weeks later, I was performing. Then disaster struck. When the boys were having a midnight feast, we lit some candles, and then we blew all of them out but one. As the flame flickered and then went out, we realised that no-one but us could see. Then that flame went out, and no-one could see! I had a secret fear of the dark, and I screamed. Lots of other people started to scream too. A huge stampede occurred. Not nice at all.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Rhianna,

    I have been involved with many school plays and performances over the years and know many strange things can happen. Your story shares an experience that could have been taken from the real world. I wonder how many others share your fear of the dark? It's not knowing what's out there that can make our minds imagine bad things. Well done.

    You have tried to take care with spelling and punctuation, a sign of your developing skills as a writer. Again, well done.

    My suggestion for your story comes from a section including the prompt phrase. Using the prompt, the flame had gone out yet you repeated the flame had gone out in another sentence. This is an error I have made as well. I find it helps if I reread my writing more than once so, hopefully, I can adjust before posting.

    You know how to tell an interesting story so I hope you can continue entering the 100WC and sharing your adventures.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia