Saturday, 21 January 2017

The Cloud

Boom! The thunder outside was getting louder and louder. There was no chance that we would be able to go outside because it was getting bad. I knew that the party would be ruined. Aimee and Courtney would have come here for nothing.We had to compromise by playing a game of Cluedo. By the end of the game I was already getting very scared. As the weather changed, they started telling scary stories trying to creep each other out. It wasn't a very good idea but it was very fun. None of us wanted the party to end.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, cool story. I like the fact that you speak in first person as it gives a sense of events unravelling which is nice. I don't think the sentence 'I was already getting very scared', is great. Perhaps try something like "Throughout the game my fear intensified as I heard the storm". Then maybe to make the sentences link more; 'the weather improved so the girls found new ways to scare one another by exchanging scary stories'. 'It was not the best idea but it was fun.' I think you use very a lot and its a bit of a pointless word, it is so easy to use but it can make your writing seem a bit like you are writing as you would talk. This is fine but it might be better to avoid that sort of term. Good effort and I liked the theme.