The Legs by Grace B
As I was running into the deep dark woods I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Abruptly, I came to a halt; in front of me was a pair of abnormally large wooden burgundy prosthetic legs. It looks like it has come from a person who makes hand-crafted products that are used for outdoor Eden projects. I feel really scared because it looks like it was the thing what was chasing me all along. I must go home, this is not normal. Continuing my treacherous journey I thought I could outrun the thing. Suddenly, I started to…
Hi Grace,
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully written story with a brilliantly infuriating ending - your readers will be wondering what happened! Your sentence structure is almost impeccable (you just need to add commas between your adjectives). Your use of alliteration and high-level of detail made the descriptions so vivid as I was reading. The juxtaposition of a sinister being chasing the narrator against the wholesomeness of Eden projects is very effective, too. I would recommend that you make your tenses a little more consistent, as they change a little too much from one sentence to the next. Apart from that, this is a clear, well-structure, original, and detailed story that you should be proud of.
Well done!
All best,
Elise (Team 100) - Coventry :)