Last
week, a strange parcel arrived on my doorstep. I was anxious to open it since
it wasn't the postman who delivered it. I knew that because it was Sunday and
the postman doesn't deliver on a Sunday. I opened it reluctantly then said, “Oh!
It's empty. What a surprise!” Then I noticed a dent in the bottom of the box
and a note that said, 'Step inside'. So, I did what it said, and I fell into a
hidden room under the house. I honestly can't remember anything else that
happened. All I remember is that it wasn't fun....
You have a very mature writing style and an engaging story. I love the ending- it's a very good cliff-hanger. To improve in the future, try to vary the length of your sentences. Shorter sentences are good for adding suspense and tension, while longer ones are good for giving descriptions. Keep up the good work!
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