Friday, 18 March 2016

…when the connection broke…, by Dalton

One night I was on my own at home with my dog I was playing on my PlayStation 3 with Oliver and Cruz on skate 3 when the connection broke and my PlayStation, switched off of and my Ipad switched off and I could not switch on my PlayStation, and I was so bored so I went to my nans with my dog and I switched on the TV to watch Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway and in the morning I went back home and my connection was perfect and then I was playing with Oliver and Cruz on games all night.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Dalton,

    I know how you feel. I have been playing online games and have had the connection break. It can be frustrating, especially when you have almost completed a task only to see the screen go blank. At least you were able to find things to do until you could go back online.

    I can see you have used some interesting words and have been able to develop a good story. A game with friends ended with a break in the internet connection. To escape boredom, you went for a walk to your Nan's house. On returning home, your connection was back so you and your friends could get back to the game. Well done.

    My suggestion might be to look at where new sentences might have been taken. I find it helps me if I reread my own writing, sometimes aloud, because it helps me find where a new sentence might be taken. I can hear myself take a small break where a new sentence should be taken.

    I hope you can continue entering the 100WC. It allows you to share your stories with the world.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia