A walk through a forest. It was a great day. Perfect, as a matter of fact. I was walking in the forest, and saw a brown, medium size man. I approached him, and asked, "Are you okay...sir?" No response. I ask again, but louder, "Are you okay...sir, answer me please." The only words I could describe of him were, no face, no head, no arms? It was confusing. It could have been a statue perhaps. Until, it gently turned its head at me. "Sir, honestly, please answer me." It then walked towards me. I then got scared and screamed...at the top of my lungs. I ran and ran and ran and NEVER looked back. I dialled 999 and he was arrested. I never felt so good.
Sunday 19 November 2017
The stranger by Alexander
A walk through a forest. It was a great day. Perfect, as a matter of fact. I was walking in the forest, and saw a brown, medium size man. I approached him, and asked, "Are you okay...sir?" No response. I ask again, but louder, "Are you okay...sir, answer me please." The only words I could describe of him were, no face, no head, no arms? It was confusing. It could have been a statue perhaps. Until, it gently turned its head at me. "Sir, honestly, please answer me." It then walked towards me. I then got scared and screamed...at the top of my lungs. I ran and ran and ran and NEVER looked back. I dialled 999 and he was arrested. I never felt so good.
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I like your story and how you make the reader think it is a statue until the last minute. I think you could make some improvements to your grammar. On the second bit of speech, you need to change it slightly- "Sir... are you okay? Answer me please." Also, your sentences start of quite choppy- I think you should aim for a good mix of longer and shorter sentences. Also- could there be a better way of expressing 'ran and ran and ran'- such as scampered, sprinted, jolted. I think you could write in a concise way which would have more impact. Nonetheless, great story and keep writing!
ReplyDeleteOk. I'll be sure to work on that. Thanks for your feedback!
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