I woke up at 8.00 clock in the morning and I was soaking wet with water and my bed was as well but if I had left my window open I would be in terrible danger because I will get very wet but the worst place in my house is my mum and dads room, they had there window open all night long so all of the water that was in their room had moved in to my room and my little brothers room as well. The violent storm was bad in my house very bad.
Wednesday 30 October 2013
Sarah B 100 Word Challenge #9
The violent storm was…
I woke up at 8.00 clock in the morning and I was soaking wet with water and my bed was as well but if I had left my window open I would be in terrible danger because I will get very wet but the worst place in my house is my mum and dads room, they had there window open all night long so all of the water that was in their room had moved in to my room and my little brothers room as well. The violent storm was bad in my house very bad.
I woke up at 8.00 clock in the morning and I was soaking wet with water and my bed was as well but if I had left my window open I would be in terrible danger because I will get very wet but the worst place in my house is my mum and dads room, they had there window open all night long so all of the water that was in their room had moved in to my room and my little brothers room as well. The violent storm was bad in my house very bad.
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A good attempt Sarah but you need to think about how you use punctuation. Your first sentence is very long and should really be broken into shorter easier to follow sentences.
ReplyDeleteTo Sarah
ReplyDeleteYou have used the prompt this week well to describe a storm affecting your house. I like how you start with a time and place and then continue describing what happens during the storm.
In this sentence "they had there window open all night long" which 'there" do you need to use?
Keep up the wonderful writing!
From Mrs Natusch
Team 100WC