Wednesday 30 October 2013
Lili 100 Word Challenge #9
It was a lovely day in Skegness, suddenly it started to chuck it down I stopped looking out the window but then it started to thunder I could see flashes of lightening, I quickly ran down stairs and then one of the trees in my garden fell down and nearly hit one of the cars and then a ripping roar of other trees fell down and all I could see was about eleven on the floor and some were in the middle of the road. Mum said on the news they said a violent storm was coming on its way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like the ripping roar description.
ReplyDeleteThink about how you would read this story aloud - would you change the punctuation?
Lili I love your relaxed style of writing - 'it started to chuck it down' is very informal - your writing reads as though I am listening to you telling me the story of the storm. You have worked hard to include words that keep the reader interested - interesting verbs, adverbs and adjectives. Could you have included a simile, perhaps to describe how quickly you ran down the stairs?
ReplyDeleteTake care not to use 'then' too much in your writing or it can start to sound like a list. There are some great time connectives that could be used instead.
Keep up the super writing Lili, I really enjoyed reading this.
Mrs Neale
Team 100WC