The clock ticked loudly in my ear. I slowly came round from a deep sleep. This was the day, today was the day, my ultimate adventure… I was going to cycle the coast of Britain. A huge crowd gathered as I was about to set off. I could feel my heart pounding. I had a nervous feeling in my tummy. The days got tougher as my body ached more and more. I didn’t think I could make it. As the crowd cheered I managed to finally finish. It was a great feeling when I saw the amount of money raised!
Emotions, ranging from nervousness to self-doubt, are very effectively conveyed in this piece. Using short sentences adds to the atmosphere too. As this describes a very personal challenge, it makes sense to write in the first person and there was some variety in the way the sentences opened. Well done Caitlin.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you started this so evocatively with the clock ticking in your ear. You've done a great job of describing the nerves and suspense before you set off and the pain of the challenge. I wonder how many days it takes to cycle round Britain and what you saw on your way. Excellently done.
ReplyDelete