Saturday 10 February 2018

… it came down the drainpipe… ,by Estera

On Friday 13th I was walking to my nan's when I saw something falling from the radiant sky. It came down the drainpipe of a strange building and onto the concrete path. I wondered what it was so I went up closer to take a look at it. It was strange and cool at the same time. It looked like some sort of little compact time machine. It was blue and red with a lot of different buttons. I put it into my bag. When I came back home I pressed one of the red buttons and suddenly teleported...

3 comments:

  1. Transported where, Estera? I really want to know more. Great introduction hook. #team100wc Los Angeles,CA

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  2. Well done on your writing Estera !
    You wrote a great story with only 100 words based on 5 weird and curious words “it came down a drainpipe”. I really like the imaginative idea in your story and your interesting way of telling it !
    Great opening – really grabbed my attention and you kept me interested until the end.
    Your writing is well organised and you’ve done really well with telling the story !
    Looking forward to reading more of your writing.
    Keep up the good work !
    Shane, Teacher
    Dublin, Ireland
    (Team 100)

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  3. Hi Estera,

    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! The prompt is a mysterious opening about something coming down the drainpipe. While you take a unique form for the drainpipe, you describe a mystery setting on a scary night where you find a time machine. By explaining in the first sentence what the piece will be about, wondering to your nans, you create a structure which the reader can follow. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This topic of a scary night is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as I’m sure most people have endured one before. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this as I too have experienced times which I thought would be scary. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as the night being Friday 13th, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific words like ‘radiant sky’ demonstrates great imagination and is very topical in the setting. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. You describe the object falling form the sky, which really makes the reader wonder what it is, developing the story even more. The turn of the the piece to a science fiction theme is also really well done, and the use of the time machine as a cliff hanger keeps the reader engaged to the end of the piece. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the ellipsis. Keep up the good work!

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