Thursday 15 February 2018

...we were moving very fast... by Mayzi

Last Thursday Layla passed her driving test. The next day she decided to take me and Sophie for a drive to Lincoln for a girl's day out shopping and for some dinner. I told Layla that, "We will get the train back home!" because she has had a drink of alcohol. "NO!!!!" She insisted as she sped off down the road. All of a sudden there was a huge, loud BANG and all I can remember is that we were moving very fast when we crashed! I also remember that Sophie died because of Layla, and I never forgave her.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Mayzi! Thank you for taking the time to post on the 100 Word Challenge. What a sad story - but one with a definite moral message. You showed a good use of the comma for effect (at the end). You also used your vocabulary precisely too. Well done for writing emotively. To make your writing even better, could you make your last sentence just as dramatic as the others - maybe by leaving out 'I also remember' then it would be a really sudden surprise for your reader A great read. Well done.
    Mrs. T. Wiltshire (Team100)

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  2. This is a very good plot, and it also shows an important lesson. One thing I would recommend is to add a brilliant description of emotion at the end. This is still an amazing piece of writing though, and I would very much like to hear more about the main character and how she deals with the tragedy. Well done, Mayzi.
    Clara

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