Thursday 14 November 2013

Jake #11 Remembering

As I sat in the aircraft carriers seats, my heart pounded as the carrier slowly landed in the soft smooth soil I readied my rifle, pistol, knife and a helmet to protect my head. I quickly ran out of the carrier. I smelt a strong burning smell in the air. There was smoke all around me. I saw faint shadows of men running as they were shooting their guns at the enemy. I heard men shouting and screaming for their lives. I also heard gun shots flying through the black smoke filled air.
 “Grandad, wake up!” I awoke. I remembered!

1 comment:

  1. What a thoughtful 100WC this week Jake! You painted the picture of being in the throes of war vividly. You used all your senses to describe what was happening and it helped to create that picture. The ending with your character waking up as an old man remembering his time in the war was very effective too. Well done! To make your writing even better have a look at the first sentence again. I think you might have missed a full stop somewhere. I can spot two places it could go and it changes the meaning of what you have written. Keep up the great work.

    Mrs McGuiness (Team 100WC) Derbyshire, England

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