Saturday 30 November 2013
Joshua 100WC#13
Suddenly a man came behind them and grabbed them both and pressed a gun in the throat. They stayed extremely still. Then one of them turned around in a flash and grabbed the gun. Then he noticed something that was so astonishing. It was his brother. The last time he saw him was when he was only 15 years old when his dad died and then they both lived alone. They were both very shocked to see each other. He chucked the gun of the top of the building. Everything went silent. Then his brother ran of and left forever.
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Look at the end of your first sentence; whose throat is the gun pointing at?
ReplyDelete'The last time he saw him' should be - The last time he had seen him.
of and off
The ending was very abrupt - you did not not need to try and finish the whole story in 100 words!