Saturday 30 November 2013

Leah 100WC#13

The door opened slowly along with a strange creaking noise, the two children started to run as fast as their little legs could carry them! The man followed them with an object in his hand….
Panting Billy said “I think that we lost him [pant pant]”
“Hey kids, what is the matter? Oh, I see the problem, Mater Samuels is chasing you. Don’t worry I will help you!” BOOM! BANG! POW! “Now Mater will never bother you or anybody else again!” City superhero screamed.
Click to enlarge

“I cannot believe that you just saved us from our own horror story, very much appreciated.”

2 comments:

  1. A very good start but you haven't explained why the children were running away or how they met your hero. You have made a good attempt at using speech marks. Without the drawings it is difficult to imagine how City Superhero dealt with Mater!

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  2. Hi Leah, well done for entering the 100WC this week, I thought it was quite difficult this time. Yours is the first one that I have seen that includes an image of your character, so well done for that too!
    You continued the story really well, your first line continues seamlessly.You have also used some lively vocabulary and comic features in your writing to describe the action.
    Just a little niggle...remember that your readers don't know what is going on in your head so you need to make sure that your sentences follow each other and include details. You tend to jump around a little and leave vital information out, e.g. the object - what was it? Who is Mater Samuels?
    Well done and keep writing. :)
    Mrs Tucker, Wirral, UK.

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