Saturday 30 November 2013

Talia 100WC#13

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He took a step forward! Suddenly as fast as lightning an enormous creature came out of no were “it’s so ugly, I can hardly describe it!” Then it roared you could see strings of saliva stuck to its teeth.

“Run for your life!”


“Arrrrrrrrrrh!” One of them took a tumble and unfortunately got eaten up by the creature. It did not crunch on him it just swallowed him hole! He landed with a bump and saw people at first he thought he was imagining it at first but they was real all right. Who will save them nobody knows!
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4 comments:

  1. David Ball1 December 2013 at 10:41

    I like your use of a simile at the beginning.
    'no were' should be nowhere
    In the second to last sentence are you describing what it was like for the person who had been swallowed? You have used 'at first' twice in the same sentence!

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  2. Unknown1 December 2013 at 19:01

    This is a really amazing comic

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  3. Mrs LeDrew1 December 2013 at 21:25

    Hi Talia,

    The start of your story is very good. You set a scary tone from the beginning. And I like the suspenseful ending you created with that last sentence. That second to last sentence is a little confusing to me as well, so just remember to read your text over after you finish to make sure that you are not missing something.

    Otherwise, well done!

    Mrs LeDrew (100 WC Team, Waddington, UK)

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